New Year, Old Hopes
by Selina
Summary: Just another year gone by for the animorphs...


New Year, Old Hopes

***

Cassie sat in corner, her eyes fixated on no one in particular as she straightened out her dress absentmindedly. Her thoughts were far away, seeing scenes she longed to forget, at least for a little while. She felt like crying, _how ironic_ she thought. Everyone was talking and laughing and inspite her being right there with them, she was alone. Her thoughts drifted in their own little world, their private terrifying reality

__

New Year, they say. So many hopes, so many dreams, but it will all be the same. Nothing ever really changes, not the things that matter, anyway. And if they do change, it's often for the worst. Another year, same demons to haunt us, from the inside and out. It feels like we've been doing this all our lives. I can't imagine our lives without the lies and the terrors and the nightmares anymore, without all the pain and suffering, the guilt and sorrow. I can't even remember what it was like before all this. Can't picture being able to walk down the streets without thinking about whose my enemy or not. It seems as if it's all just a distant memory, a perfect dream we once had. A time when we didn't worry so much about what was right and what was wrong, a time when we didn't get so close to crossing that invisible line we all fear we've already crossed.

"Cassie, telephone. It's Jake" 

Her mother's voice snapped her out of her reality. Cassie picked up the phone and pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind, where they should remain. But she knew they would come back, they always did.

__

I wish it would end soon...

***

Jake hung up the phone and turned around just in time to face his father

"So, how's Cassie? Having a good time?"

"Yeah, she's having a ball. " - he lied.

Cassie sounded distant, sad. He knew why, they had all been feeling that way. They had carried this along for years now, and this meant yet another year had gone by.

"What's up Jake? Afraid the world will end?" - his father laughed.

Jake did his best to smile, but in his mind, the reply was serious

__

Yes, I am afraid the world will end. I am afraid that we'll fail, that we'll die, that everyone will. Everyone talks about the end of the world with this new century, this new year going by. But they don't know how right they are, if they only knew the truth. It could all end, not with explosions and movie-like demons taking our world apart. It would all end quietly, discretely, without anyone noticing until it was too late. That's why it's all up to us, just the kids, saving the world. Can we do it? The answer is out there, no one knows. Maybe help will come, but when? It's been so long already. We're tired, we're tired of not trusting anyone but ourselves, tired of holding the fate of the world in our hands, of lying, of killing, of hurting inside... We've done our best to hold them off, but sometimes the best you can do is not enough. Maybe this is one of those times...

"Hey, what're you staring at?" - Tom asked with a grin

Jake faked a smile and shrugged.

"So, aren't you gonna wish me 'Happy New Year', squirt?"

"Uh, yeah. Happy New Year Tom... hope it gets better for you."

His voice was serious. Tom stared at him for a while and walked away. Jake stood there, watching his brother. He did wish for Tom to have a better year, the real Tom...

__

I wish we could hold them off...

***

Marco ate his food quietly, his thoughts wondering about his friends, if they were alright, and how long they would stay that way. How long they could carry out this lie, fight this silent war. He looked across the table to his father.

"Hey Marco, why the serious face? I'm sorry things didn't work out. But it's ok, right, just the two of us?"

Marco nodded, but in his heart, it sounded wrong.

__

It wasn't supposed to be just the two of us. She should be here, mom should be here. I can't even tell you that, can I? I can't even say that one of these days I might go out of the house saying I'm going to the mall and I'll never come back again. And you won't even know why or how... And one of these days you might find yourself trapped in the middle of a war, not knowing... You might find something controls you... but not today. Today at least, tonight, for these final minutes before the next century comes, we're safe. Or are we? I keep wondering if at some moment, when I'm not looking, or when my mind is taking me through yet another nightmare, they'll come. They'll come and take me and my friends and we will have lost. And after we lose, Earth loses, then the human race loses. We can't just turn our backs and go home and forget the whole thing. We're into it now. We have always been. We didn't chose to fight, but we fought, there's no turning back, there's just awaiting the future and hoping.

"Marco, hey, snap out of it. Are you listening to me? I said, what do you wish for the coming year?"

"I wish we won the lottery" - he said laughing

__

No, that's not what I wish,

I wish we could beat them...

***

Ax watched the moonlit fields and found his eyes being drawn upwards, towards the stars. He pretended to see his home and stared at it.

__

How I miss you. He said to himself in his mind. _I miss everything and yet this is my home now. This is where I fight alongside my friends, this is the place my heart urges me to save. Can we save it? It seems such a tremendous task for such a small group, but we have made progress, we have held their forces for 5 years now. It was longer than would have been expected. Five kids and a young andalite fighting an entire army of Yeerks. Marco once said that we would never beat them, that it was impossible. But I heard a human phrase on television once, it intrigued me, the simplicity and the depth of its meaning. 'Never say never', that was the exact phrase. I do believe Marco was mistaken in his statement, it might have been a result of anger or some other strong emotion. He also seems to believe his statement was premature. We have fought this far, and the odds, as Rachel said, were always against us, but we will turn the tide. I believe her words._

As a fallen star crossed the night sky, Ax looked back down to Earth

__

I believe we might beat them...

***

Tobias flew silently through the night. He had gone to see Rachel and was now on his way to the clearing to meet Ax. He flew automatically, his mind not paying attention to what actions his body was taking, following its own path.

__

Where would I be, right now, if I were human? Home somewhere? Or would I still be going to the woods, alone, to meet up with a blue alien? I guess it could be worse... I have my friends, a family. Not my own species, sure, but I'm not who I used to be. I am, but I'm not. It's so confusing and yet so clear. We have all the answers and yet we have none. We do what we appall, but it still is what we must do. We save, we kill. And here comes another year of killings, of contradictions. I don't know how long we can take it. I guess we'll handle it as long as we have to, we know what's at stake. We have the weight of the whole human race pressing us down, and amazingly we've managed to keep standing. I guess we are heroes, in one way or another. I know it's weird, the way our lives have changed, perhaps mine most of all. I do think that I'll be able to walk over to Rachel's house someday, instead of fly. I do think Jake will be able to talk to his brother, instead of the parasite in his brain. I do think Ax will get back with his family. I do believe Marco will find his mom. I do believe Cassie will forgive herself. I do believe Rachel will have her life back without having the death that accompanies it now. Who knows...

Tobias spotted Ax down below in the fields and landed in a branch nearby.

__

We may defeat them someday...

***

Rachel stared out the window and watched as the owl gained distance through the night air. She heard a knock at her door. It was Sara

"Hey, it's almost midnight. Mom's telling you to come downstairs"

"Ok, I'll be right there"

She took one last glance at the window, the bird was no longer in sight. Only the stars and the moon. She let out a sigh and followed her little sister downstairs.

"Rachel, where were you? It's almost the new millenium"

"Shows how much you know... it's just the turn of the century. The new millenium doesn't start till 2001"

__

And still if it's just the turn of the century, just another year, it's still another year, another year of fighting, of trying not to get yourself killed, trying to deal with the responsibility, trying to...

"Hello, Earth to Rachel... "

"Thinking about your new year's resolution?"

"Yeah, that's it, my resolution..."

__

New Year's resolution, huh? I've got one. I say that no matter what, we'll keep fighting the yeerks. We'll stand our ground; we won't give up, we won't give in. We'll fight together, as we've always done, and we will give them hell. We'll fight for us, and for everyone else, for the whole human race, for Earth. We'll be relentless, we won't quit, we won't let them win. We'll hold them off until help arrives, but if it never does, we'll handle it. We've done it for years gone by, we can do it for years to come. Our lives may never be the same, we may never forget all that's happened to us. But if we ever get the chance to try, it will be enough. We may defeat them, we may win this war...

From the rest of the people in the room, their voices grew louder and the sound melded into one

"3... 2... 1... Happy New Year!!!"

Rachel smiled and whispered to no one but herself with all the conviction she could manage

"We will defeat them..."

Far away, she heard the fireworks go off and in her heart, she knew she was right. They would win the war... someday, just not that day...

**__**

Uh, ok, not very much in the holiday spirit, but I tried... As always, I'd love to hear anything you'd have to say about this... E-mail me with any comments at[selina_293@yahoo.com][1]**_._**

   [1]: mailto:selina_293@yahoo.com



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